THE MARRIAGE SCAM: WHY MEN ARE WALKING AWAY

Marriage has traditionally been seen as a union built on love, companionship, and mutual support. However, in modern times, many argue that it has become more of a legal and financial contract, where men often end up losing significantly. The evolution of gender roles, legal systems, and the rise of modern feminism have contributed to this perception, as marriage now places a heavier burden on men while offering fewer rewards in return. The increasing financial and legal risks associated with marriage have led many men to question its value, contributing to declining marriage rates in many parts of the world.

To fully explore this argument, it is important to analyze real-life cases and societal trends that highlight how men are disadvantaged in marriage. Additionally, the role of modern women in shifting the dynamics of marriage, along with the influence of feminist policies and judicial systems, must be examined.

 Marriage and Divorce Laws That Favour Women

One of the biggest reasons why many men feel that marriage is an unfair deal is the way divorce laws are structured. In most Western countries, the legal system tends to favour women in cases of divorce, leaving men with significant financial burdens. Laws regarding alimony, child support, and asset division often ensure that women continue to receive financial benefits from their ex-husbands long after the marriage has ended.

    For example, in the United States, divorce settlements have financially devastated many high-earning men. Billionaire Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, had to give his ex-wife MacKenzie Scott 25% of his Amazon stock, which amounted to nearly $36 billion, making it one of the most expensive divorces in history. Similarly, musician Paul McCartney lost over $48 million in his divorce from Heather Mills, despite the marriage lasting only six years. The pattern of men losing substantial portions of their wealth in divorce settlements has led many to view marriage as a financial risk rather than a personal commitment.

Custody battles are another area where men are often disadvantaged. Family courts overwhelmingly grant custody of children to mothers, even when fathers are equally or more capable of providing a stable home. In many cases, fathers are reduced to mere financial providers, forced to pay child support while having little to no say in their children's upbringing. Studies in the U.S. and the U.K. show that over 80% of primary custody rulings favour mothers, creating a legal bias that many argue is unfair to fathers.

 The Role of the Modern Woman in Destroying Marriage

The traditional model of marriage was based on a clear division of responsibilities—men were expected to provide financial stability, while women managed the home and raised children. However, in modern times, many women expect men to uphold their provider role while rejecting traditional wife duties. This shift has led to an imbalance where men continue to bear the financial burdens of marriage while receiving less in return.

One major factor in this shift is hyper-gamy, the tendency of women to seek partners who are financially superior to them. In today's dating culture, many women openly express that they will only consider men who earn six-figure salaries or own luxury assets, despite advocating for financial independence. This creates a paradox where modern women want financial freedom but still expect men to maintain traditional provider roles.

The social media has also played a role in promoting unrealistic expectations. The rise of the "soft life" trend encourages women to avoid hard work and responsibility while expecting luxury lifestyles funded by men. Many women openly reject the idea of homemaking, cooking, or supporting their husbands emotionally, arguing that such roles are outdated and oppressive. As a result, men find themselves in marriages where they are expected to provide financial security without receiving the support and stability that marriage traditionally offered.

Another factor is the growing belief that marriage is a temporary arrangement rather than a lifelong commitment. Influential feminists and celebrities have promoted the idea that women do not need men and that divorce is an empowering act rather than a failure of commitment. For example, Oprah Winfrey, one of the world's most powerful women, has never married despite maintaining a long-term relationship, often advocating for female independence over marital stability. The idea that marriage is disposable has made it easier for women to leave marriages when they no longer feel satisfied, regardless of the financial or emotional damage inflicted on their partners.

Feminism and the Judicial System’s Role in Empowering Women at Men's Expense

Feminism has undeniably played a major role in shaping modern marriage dynamics, particularly through legal reforms that favour women. While early feminism fought for equal rights, modern feminism has introduced policies that create inequalities in favor of women, particularly in marriage and divorce laws.

One of the most significant changes brought by feminism is the introduction of no-fault divorce laws, which allow women to end marriages without proving any wrongdoing by their husbands. While this law was designed to protect women from abusive relationships, it has also enabled many women to walk away from marriages without justification while still securing financial benefits from their ex-husbands. In many cases, men are left paying alimony and child support even when their ex-wives initiate the divorce for personal reasons rather than genuine hardship.

Alimony laws further illustrate how men are financially disadvantaged by marriage. Despite the fact that women have gained economic independence and career opportunities, alimony laws continue to operate on the outdated assumption that men must provide for women even after divorce. Cases like that of Kevin Federline, who received child support from Britney Spears despite being the less successful partner, show how these laws can be exploited.

The rise of the #MeToo movement, while addressing real cases of abuse, has also contributed to an environment where men are vulnerable to false allegations. Some women have weaponized allegations of domestic violence or sexual misconduct to gain an advantage in divorce proceedings. The case of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard is a prime example of this, where Depp lost major film roles and was publicly vilified based on allegations that were later found to be misleading. The ease with which accusations can ruin a man's reputation has made many men cautious about marriage, fearing the legal and social consequences of being falsely accused.

Additionally, workplace policies influenced by feminist advocacy have made men hesitant to engage with women professionally, fearing potential lawsuits or reputational damage. Many male executives now refuse to have one-on-one meetings with female colleagues to avoid possible accusations, creating a divide that negatively impacts professional relationships and mentorship opportunities. This environment has made it harder for men to navigate both personal and professional relationships, contributing to their reluctance toward marriage.

 The African Experience: Marriage as a Financial Transaction

In many African societies, marriage has traditionally been intertwined with financial and social arrangements, often leading to perceptions that men bear significant burdens. Practices such as bride price or dowry systems require the groom or his family to provide substantial payments or gifts to the bride's family, symbolizing appreciation but also placing economic pressures on men. For instance, in South Sudan, a recent case highlighted a "marriage competition" where a teenage bride was married off for a record price of 123 cattle, cash, and land, making her the "most expensive bride in South Sudan." theguardian.com

Additionally, legal frameworks in some African countries may not adequately protect men's rights in marriage and divorce proceedings. In Zambia, for example, divorce is only permissible after 12 months of marriage, and one party must either be domiciled in Zambia or have lived there for a year before presenting the divorce petition. brookman.co.uk

This can lead to prolonged legal battles and financial strain on men seeking divorce. Moreover, the lack of comprehensive marriage and divorce registration laws in certain regions can result in informal unions where men's rights to property and custody are not legally recognized, further exacerbating their vulnerabilities. data2x.org

 The European Experience and the Trump Administration's Approach

In Europe, divorce laws have historically favoured equitable distribution of assets, but some argue that men often face disadvantages in settlements and custody arrangements. Concerns about the ease of obtaining no-fault divorces have also been raised, with debates on whether such laws undermine marital commitments.

Regarding the United States, there have been discussions about potential changes to divorce laws under the Trump administration. Some social media posts have claimed that President Trump proposed significant changes to divorce laws, such as eliminating the equal division of property. However, these claims have been debunked, and no such federal changes have been implemented. fullfact.org

Additionally, discussions about the potential impact on no-fault divorce laws have emerged, but any substantial changes would require legislative action at the state level, as family law is primarily governed by individual states. pbs.org

    It isimportant to note that while the Trump administration's tax plan eliminated the tax deduction for alimony payments, making divorces potentially more contentious, there have been no sweeping federal reforms to divorce laws aimed at addressing perceived biases against men. ksfamilylaw.com

Conclusion

In summary, while marriage can entail significant financial and legal responsibilities for men in various cultures, labelling it as a "scam" may not fully capture the complexities and cultural nuances involved. Both African and European experiences highlight the importance of understanding local customs, legal frameworks, and ongoing reforms when evaluating the dynamics of marriage and divorce.

The traditional concept of marriage has changed dramatically in modern society, with many men feeling that they are at a disadvantage due to legal, financial, and social shifts. Divorce laws often favour women, leaving men financially devastated and alienated from their children. Modern women’s shifting expectations, combined with a rejection of traditional wife roles, have contributed to an imbalance where men bear significant responsibilities without receiving proportional benefits. Meanwhile, feminist legal reforms and the judicial system have further tilted the scales in favor of women, making marriage a risky endeavour for men.

These changes have contributed to declining marriage rates, an increase in prenuptial agreements, and the rise of movements like MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), where men opt out of marriage altogether. While marriage still holds value for many, if these trends continue, the institution itself may undergo fundamental changes or even become obsolete in the modern era.

                                                                                Okom, Emmanuel Njor (PhD)